Thursday, May 8, 2008

Life's Complicated

"Life is complicated, Diane."

"It's like one of those puzzle rings, isn't it Kathy? You know, where if you take if off, and it comes apart, it takes, well, like, forever to fit back together. And sometimes, you even have to take it back to the jewelry kiosk where you bought it and get them to put it back together before you can wear it again. I did that once. With the ring my brother bought me for my birthday two years ago."

"What? What did you do with the ring your brother bought you? Your brother bought you a ring? Which brother?"

"Yeah. He got it for me for my birthday two years ago. I took the ring off one day, and took it apart, to see if it was so hard to put back together. I worked on it for four days, trying to get it back together. I got so mad I nearly threw it out, 'til I remembered it was a present. So I took it to the jewelry kiosk at the mall and I stood there watching the guy put it back together. It looked so easy, and he had a nipple ring. I could see it through his t-shirt. He just sat there on his stool with his head bent under the big umbrella of his stand, and he did it. He put it back together. 'Course I asked him to show me how, but someone came up to buy something so he couldn't. I just kinda stood there for a minute, looking at the put-back-together ring. When I was leaving, the guy tapped my arm and said, "You see where it starts? That's the same place it ends. That's all there is to it."  So life's like that. Isn't it Kathy?"

"Just a sec. Diane. This is important. I wanna make sure I understand. He had a nipple ring?"

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Poor Kid

We have a new administrative assistant, or as Cruella likes to call her, "Dummy." 

Poor kid. 

New to the city. New to the job. New to daily verbal abuse. Cruella made her cry yesterday. Nothin' funny about that.

My protective streak is coming out, and God knows, that doesn't happen very often.

I feel my Bruce Lee come-and-get-it-finger twitching.

Monday, May 5, 2008

How to Run a Business


Above is an actual email exchange, although the names have been changed to protect the innocent, yes even the dog, though whether she's innocent is in question--oh, Seabreeze, where's Eddie Greenspan when you need him? 

You thought I was making all this up, didn't you?