Another Quiet Day as a Sex Worker

"Where's my catalog! Lead Designer!! How can I go to the book fair in Italy without my catalog!! This makes me so mad! Why doesn't anyone listen to me!! I told you I need that catalog. I'm flying in three days and I want the catalog finished. Jesus! What do you do all day? Why isn't it done!! Why?!!" 

"Well Cruella it was done. You made changes and we're working on them."

"Oh, shut up! What changes? What the hell are you talking about? I want my catalog done, and I'm not taking something that looks unprofessional. You better get it finished! How can I take something that looks cheap and unprofessional? This is what buyers see!! JESUS, what's wrong with you?"

"Yes, Cruella. You'll have the catalog. We'll get it done. We'll print it in-house to save time."

"Fine, Lead Designer. FINE!!! But I swear, it better look good. No it better look better than good. And you can print it here, but you better send it out to get cut and bound! I'm not taking something that looks cheap!! I'm NOT!! When you do it here it looks unprofessional!!! I"M NOT taking something unprofessional!! When you do it by hand it looks so cheap. It looks UNPROFESSIONAL!! IT LOOKS CHEAP AND UNPROFESSIONAL!! THIS IS IMPORTANT!!!!! THIS IS AN IMPORTANT EVENT!!! YOU'D BETTER SEND IT OUT TO GET CUT AND BOUND!!! 

I AM NOT TAKING AN UNPROFESSIONAL HAND-JOB!!"

I believe I broke the golden rule after that comment: it is generally accepted in professional situations that you're not suppose to laugh so hard at your employer that coffee comes out your nose. Unfortunately for me, I singed my septum and learned a valuable lesson--never, no, never laugh, guffaw, snicker, goggle, or respond in any way to a Cruellaism--she doesn't like it. The same iron-clad restrictions does not extend to your co-workers however, thank God.

Later that day, Lead Designer, in a fit of competence, was working like a Trojan (the warrior, not the condom, though that would be fitting as well) on the catalog. Completely absorbed in his work, he was unaware, or uncaring that his perpetual almond crunching was getting on his assistant's last nerve.

Young Female Designer finally turns to him, in a fit of agitation, and says, "What are you doing? Where are you putting all those nuts? In your nut-sack?"

Tell me please, what are the odds that a person performs a complete and thorough caffeine sinus cleanse twice in one day? 

Just another quiet day at the office. Oh, how I wish you could be here. It's too good to be true.